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Submitted on
October 13, 2010
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What do I do
when I no longer know
what you see when you look at me,
is there something lost
far away behind your eyes,
have I become miniscule?

Where do I go
when I can no longer
bear to write beautiful sonnets for you
because each thought of love
is born with a measure of pain?

What is there left
when I walk around the edge
and feel my balance start to waver
yet I do not know if I will fall into you
or on the other side of the abyss?

How can I live
when my world stops making sense
as I start to feel you crumble from
beneath my fingertips
this ground I walk becoming
so unsteady?

Is there enough
to hold this together
or am I starting to wake
from the dream of you?
This poem has come from a personal place. Love angst is typically not my thing, so I half-feared that I would find it unbearably cliche and obnoxious but it acutally turned better than I thought.
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:iconkatarthis:
katarthis Featured By Owner May 24, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Love lost and lingering angst aside - this isn't bad at all. So your feeling is spot on. However -

when I know longer know

bare to write beautiful sonnets for you


As each stanza is a question and you weren't afraid to use question marks on the first and last, I'd stick with them for the others. You chose such pretty imagery - such easy to identify with feeling that it seems a shame for this to be derailed by such simple things.

Of course, if you had followed the pattern of oddly placed words throughout I would have said it was a deliberate action well chosen, as I almost thought when bear became bare, as to bare the soul. It would have turned good into spectacular, but these things are what they are, and that is all right too.

From Word Smiths -

k
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:iconsilverwynd:
SilverWynd Featured By Owner May 24, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much for your comments. The question mark thing was more of a subconscious act. It was not really an intentionally disuse of them, but becasue they do feel so awkward in poems to me, that it was just habit which caused me to stop using them throughout.
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:iconkatarthis:
katarthis Featured By Owner May 24, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
You are most welcome. Those were quick fixes, and now it reads as well as you intended!

k
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:iconfirmasrock:
FirmAsRock Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2010
Love angst is cliched but there is some nice poetry in this and the feelings are presented well.
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:iconsilverwynd:
SilverWynd Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you!
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:iconfirmasrock:
FirmAsRock Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2010
Welcome.
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:iconimitatinglight333:
ImitatingLight333 Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2010
WOW! Great concept about that person being a dream! I like this very much; keep up the good work :thumbsup:
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:iconsilverwynd:
SilverWynd Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you!
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:iconimitatinglight333:
ImitatingLight333 Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2010
You are quite welcome!
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:iconimafariy:
Imafariy Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2010
Love and angst go better together than you think my friend.
The only thing you have to do is find which completes you better. @}~
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